This weekend is going to be so good, I can’t even believe it.
Song just called me: “Can I read you my horoscope really quick?” Something about a project she should forego. A project meaning a man.
I told her: “I liked you yesterday, you were vulnerable”. That was a hint. She didn’t seem to mind.
It is 12pm. I’ve done nothing.
I was so nuerotic and negative during the workday yesterday I wanted to cry. I had too much energy and wierd up-in-the-air doubts that were eventually dispelled by mailing out all those invitations. Cole is still alive and well which makes me in-alive and not well. He’s about to get a haircut from Song. Song said “don’t be mad” but i don’t know why I would be mad. I was just frantic. I am happy he is getting a haircut but I am unhappy because Lydia introduced this thought to me: he is trying to establish a platonic relationship by palling around.
But today I am not frantic. I am very good. I have already laughed a whole bunch and anticipate I will laugh even more. How can things not be good when I’ve made the whole office laugh when my recounting the dinner last night? How can things not be good with a vintage yellow Schwinn? (I am getting a bike) How can things not be good with a huge jug of vanilla soymilk (posh!)in the company fridge to replace the half and half i usually drink thereby representing a jug by jug shift into healthiness and poshness? How can things not be good when your friend calls you at work to tell you “I didn’t sleep enough, I feel sick” or “I’ll give you the weather report later?” How can things not be good.
Things are not good. Well there’s the whole state of global affairs which is a bum-out.
A healthy exercise in awkwardness: Her friend Gabe won the L magazine upstart fiction contest. I texted Song while I pretended to listen to the contestants before Gabe. Song was at school: “Freaking out. Many people”. I kept slipping in and out my phone into the handmade pockets of the short green skirt I was wearing, with the armadillo polo shirt I got from Missouri which of course made me sad. Song immediately called me, told me to sit tight, told me not to be annoying when i said that everyone hated me.
The whole situation was rowdy in the sense that the space was cramped and i was giddily attempting to be Song’s sugar daddy and was still convinced, after my phone conversations with her that afternoon, that people mostly harbored a distaste for me but little things like being casual, smoking and commenting on Jamie’s relationship in the context of his 800.00 jeans went over well.
Then did that touristy thing of trying to satisfy everyone’s needs by trawling through possible bars around the entire east village and LES. After awhile my feet hurt. Me and Song commented on Andrew’s improved hair about 5 times. Suspicious. Andrew had introduced me twice as the “girl who writes the jane blog” when in fact my state as a jane blogger is dubious and less such than the girl they know who blogs for them, Lindsay Robertson–on a high status too as “Guest Blogger”. All in a day’s failure. I took sips of his Maker’s.
After skipping many recommendations such as “The Library” and “Mars Bar” we settled on “the skinny”. Of course on the way we had to establish teams like the A-team and the B team, i suppose something that had to do with the speed in which we could cross the street.
At the dim-witted dim bar, I told Song “I realized I really like something about you”. She bent over near the huge origami bird on the table at the Skinny. her lips were smiling and red. “You have a good nature. I don’t mean you’re a good person, but you have a good nature”.
When his friend showed me his watch, which said “Fucking Time” on it with two people in the throes of cartoon fucking, I admitted I didn’t like it. Gabe gave me the finger. I was not used to such things. He wore a denim jacket and looked angry. Angsty. His friend said “It’s ironic!” and i said “Irony is so over”. Which wasn’t clever at all, but rather, sincere.
I’m getting a bike this weekend.
Waking up: Another thing that rounded out this morning nicely was waking up and being able to tell Karl, who is actually interested, about the sequence of events of the night before. I think we are codependently obsessive about the details of my life. I’d be obsessive about his life except he reveals nothing.
In the background a sleepy french girl was waking up without her glasses on.